A mixed bag of emails
Dear Mr Roberts
I got hold of your book via The Guardian and I have to say it was the first book for a long time that made me laugh out loud. Excellent.
Then things took a downhill turn, as I opened a FORM REJECTION EMAIL (it was the "Dear Mr Dave Roberts" bit that gave it away) from a publisher, whose name I have not deleted, thus probably ruining my chances of ever getting a deal with them:
Dear Mr Dave Roberts,
Many thanks for sending your proposal for us to consider for John Blake Publishing Ltd.
Judging by the details you have provided, your book sounds a very interesting and insightful one and you must have felt great enjoyment and satisfaction in writing it. Although I have no doubt it will prove a popular read when published, I am afraid that due to a recent shift in demand we are looking to commission in specific genres that we publish. Currently we are focusing on our popular culture and sports biographies over the forthcoming months. With this in mind, we do not feel that this proposal is quite right for our list on this occasion.
I am sorry that we could not provide a more positive answer but I would like to thank you for thinking of us. I wish you the very best of luck in finding success with the publication of your book in the near future.
But THEN, a much better one, from a publisher I sent my book about teenage misfits supporting rubbish football teams, saying he was going to make me an offer next week.
So, a good start to the day. But I am about to meet my mother-in-law for the first time, so that could all change. She has flown over from the US and I am frankly terrified.